From the Beginning: a Baby is Coming

5 months pregnant with #1, Manhattan circa 2005 

 Anneke, I hope the moment you first discover that you are expecting a child will be full of joy, excitement, anticipation, and happiness. If it is not, that is alright too. One's first reaction to such a life-changing event doesn't necessarily determine the later reactions and actions. I didn't understand that, and when I learned I was pregnant, I was anxious, panicked, and a little depressed. Fortunately, your dad was completely exhilarated, and helped me ride out my dismay. We were living in New York City, and I was 26 years old, way too young to have a baby by Manhattan standards. This made me very self-conscious, and I kept the pregnancy a secret for a long time. I tried to hide it the first 5 months. It was winter in New York which made this fairly easy. Fortunately for me, not only did I have a very ecstatic husband, but a great group of friends, a few who I shared the news with. It was around the 5 month mark when my dear, wise friend Sahba, who I'm sure was so tired of hearing me complain about something that should be received as such a blessing, reminded me a little seriously, perhaps even sternly, with a very loving undercurrent, "Do you even know how lucky this baby is? There are so many children who come into this world into terrible conditions. This baby has you and Curteis, two people who love each other deeply as parents. Parents that will love this child, parents who are educated and will educate him. This baby is so lucky to be coming to you and Curteis." Her words knocked the anxious, doubtful wind out of me. It was as if God was talking through Sabha, filling my soul with peace, gratitude, and calm. From that point on, I never looked back, I was going to be a mother and it was going to be just fine! At least that is what I began hoping for. What a blessing honest courageous friends are! I imagine Ani, with your naturally nurturing personality (which I lacked), and your father's ability to "go with the flow," you probably won't experience the feelings I had, but if you do, know that you aren't alone.

Parenting with Pearl

A little over seven years ago, my first child was born. It rocked my world. He was a surprise. We were living in New York City, I was in graduate school and my husband was doing temporary work at law firms to help put me through school. Our life plans were altered a bit, as they often are with children, and 9 months later, one week after my son was born, we arrived in Los Angeles for my husband to start his new job, and for me to begin my career as a mother (while trying to finish up my Masters thesis). I learned quickly that motherhood is NOT what you think it's going to be. I learned quickly that my own mother had forgotten A LOT, and I learned that the internet is a fabulous support group/advice line/reference book. There were so many things I hadn't planned for; colic, breast-feeding struggles, how obsessed with sleep I would become, and I honestly felt betrayed by womankind as all the mothers I watched and knew seemed to be effortlessly walking through life, kids hanging off them, clothes and gear all in order, like it was easy. I came to the conclusion that either I was completely incompetent, or these women were faking it! My father instilled in me too healthy a self-esteem for me to believe I was the one at fault, which swayed me to believe the later. (I've since learned it's a lot more complicated than that). Because of this, it became my personal quest to try and "be real" and remember what parenting and motherhood was like, particularly those early years. Eighteen months later my daughter came along, and all of the sudden, my quest to remember became more urgent. Here was someone who would surely hold me accountable to remember and advise in the realm of parenting and motherhood. But, alas, life passes far to quickly, and two more little boys later, I've decided it's finally time to start recording my own journey in motherhood and parenting for my daughter, Anneke Pearl. My hope is that by recording and remembering in the moment, the experience will be more accurate and pertinent to her, while details, that seem silly in the end but make all the difference in the present, are still fresh and authentic. My record is for my daughter, and therefore, I hope it will be very candid and direct, as advice from an elder family member to a younger should be. You are welcome to come along for the ride as an observer, and perhaps learn or take away something from it. At the least, for fellow mothers and parents, hopefully you feel understood, supported, or more determined to flourish in the challenging realm of parenting. Consider this your opportunity to be a fly on a wall in a busy and active home with four young children and two fairly impatient, determined, and hopelessly flawed parents trying hard to "keep it real" while keeping expectations high, and everybody smiling!